In social interactions, first impressions matter — and sometimes, they can make or break a relationship before it even begins. Whether it’s networking at work, meeting someone new at a party, or striking up a casual conversation with a neighbor, the way you start a conversation has an outsized influence on how others perceive you. Psychologists and social researchers have spent decades studying what makes people feel comfortable, engaged, and drawn to others — and the findings are surprising. There is one simple conversation starter, backed by research, that consistently makes people feel liked and understood: asking a question that invites genuine interest and personal insight.
In this article, we’ll explore the science behind this approach, why it works, and how you can use it in a way that feels natural, authentic, and highly effective.
Why Conversation Starters Matter
Social interactions are not just about words — they’re about creating a connection. The first few moments of a conversation are critical because they set the tone for how comfortable and open the other person will be. Researchers in social psychology have found that people quickly evaluate warmth, competence, and likability during initial encounters.
Traditional small talk — commenting on the weather, the room, or other surface-level topics — often fails to foster genuine connection. These topics may be safe, but they rarely trigger emotional engagement or curiosity. Instead, psychologists recommend conversation openers that allow the other person to reveal something meaningful about themselves.
The Psychology Behind the “Instant-Like” Question
So, what is the secret question that makes people instantly like you? Experts suggest it is:
“What’s something you’re excited about right now?”
This question works on multiple psychological levels:
- Positivity Bias – When people talk about what excites them, their brains release dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. Sharing excitement triggers positive emotions, making the interaction enjoyable.
- Reciprocity Principle – Social psychology shows that people tend to respond in kind. When someone shares something meaningful, they’re more likely to listen attentively and engage warmly in return.
- Active Listening – The question invites a response beyond a simple yes or no. It encourages the other person to elaborate, which naturally promotes deeper engagement and signals that you value their perspective.
- Self-Disclosure and Trust – By asking about something personally exciting, you subtly communicate openness and interest in their inner world. People tend to like those who make them feel seen and heard.
Research by social psychologists including Arthur Aron and colleagues suggests that self-disclosure, even brief, fosters intimacy and trust, leading to higher likability ratings.
Why This Question Beats Traditional Small Talk
Most first encounters revolve around neutral, impersonal topics:
- “Nice weather today, isn’t it?”
- “Did you catch the game last night?”
- “Have you been here before?”
While these are safe, they don’t create emotional resonance. In contrast, asking someone about their excitement or passion immediately shifts the conversation to a positive and personal space. People respond more animatedly, smile more, and engage at a higher level.
This is important because emotion drives social connection. When someone feels happy and energized while talking to you, their brain associates you with that positive experience — and humans are wired to like those who make them feel good.
How to Ask the Question Naturally
The key to using this conversation starter effectively is to deliver it authentically and with genuine curiosity. Forced or rehearsed questions can feel robotic, which undermines the effect. Here’s how to make it work:
- Use a relaxed tone – Keep your voice calm and friendly, not interrogative.
- Smile subtly – Nonverbal cues signal warmth and approachability.
- Listen attentively – Avoid thinking about your next sentence while they’re talking. Give full attention.
- Follow up with curiosity – After they answer, ask one or two follow-up questions to show engagement:
- “What inspired you to get into that?”
- “How did you discover it?”
The follow-up is critical because it transforms a simple question into an interactive dialogue, fostering mutual engagement and likability.
Examples of the Question in Different Contexts
Depending on the setting, the exact wording may vary, but the principle remains the same: invite someone to talk about something meaningful or exciting in their life.
Networking Events
- “What’s a project you’re excited about at work right now?”
- “Is there a new skill you’ve been learning lately that excites you?”
Social Gatherings
- “Have you tried anything fun or interesting recently?”
- “What’s been the highlight of your week so far?”
Casual Encounters
- “Is there something coming up that you’re really looking forward to?”
- “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve done this month?”
Even slight variations maintain the effect: they shift focus from mundane facts to personal enthusiasm, which naturally draws others in.
The Science of Mutual Liking
Why does this approach create instant likability? It leverages several proven psychological principles:
- Positive Emotion – Sharing excitement triggers joy, which strengthens interpersonal bonds.
- Cognitive Fluency – People like others who make conversation easy, interesting, and effortless. Asking open-ended, positive questions reduces social friction.
- Reciprocal Self-Disclosure – When someone opens up, the brain signals trust, activating mirror-like neural pathways that create empathy.
- Social Validation – By asking about what matters to someone, you validate their feelings and experiences, which people naturally appreciate.
According to psychologist Arthur Aron, structured self-disclosure can accelerate the perception of intimacy, even between strangers. Asking about what excites someone is a light, low-risk form of this principle.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
While this conversation starter is highly effective, it can backfire if used incorrectly:
- Don’t force enthusiasm – If you sound fake, the other person will pick up on it. Authenticity is key.
- Avoid making it about you first – Start by genuinely listening, then share your own excitement afterward.
- Don’t interrupt – Allow them to speak freely; cutting in can reduce the effect of trust and engagement.
- Watch for context – If the person is upset or dealing with a serious issue, shift to a more empathetic question first, like “How have you been managing lately?”
Mastering timing, tone, and context ensures the question strengthens connection rather than appearing trite.
Why This Works Across Cultures
Interestingly, the principle behind this question — focusing on positive self-disclosure — works in many cultural contexts. Research in cross-cultural psychology shows that people universally respond positively when they feel heard, appreciated, and respected. While the specific conversational norms may vary, asking about personal excitement, passions, or meaningful experiences is nearly universally effective.
This makes it a versatile tool for business, travel, social events, or meeting new people in diverse environments.
Beyond First Impressions
The beauty of this conversation starter is that it doesn’t just improve first impressions; it also sets the stage for ongoing connection. When you show genuine interest early on, it establishes a foundation of trust and positive emotion. People are more likely to:
- Remember your interaction positively
- Seek future conversations with you
- Feel comfortable sharing more personal insights
- Develop a sense of friendship or rapport
In short, it doesn’t just make someone like you in the moment — it creates the conditions for lasting connection.
The Role of Body Language
Words alone aren’t enough. To maximize the impact, pair the question with positive nonverbal cues:
- Maintain eye contact – Shows engagement and attention.
- Lean slightly forward – Signals interest and presence.
- Nod and smile appropriately – Reinforces active listening.
- Avoid crossing arms or checking your phone – Disengaged body language can negate the effect.
These subtle signals amplify the emotional resonance of your question.
Practice Makes Perfect
Using this technique naturally takes practice. Start small:
- Try it with colleagues during lunch breaks
- Use it when meeting neighbors or acquaintances
- Test it at social gatherings or networking events
Over time, asking about what excites people becomes second nature, and you’ll notice a remarkable increase in warmth and positive reactions.
Conclusion
The conversation starter that instantly makes people like you is deceptively simple: ask about something they’re genuinely excited about. It works because it taps into core psychological principles — positivity, self-disclosure, active listening, and emotional validation.
By focusing on what energizes and inspires the other person, you create a connection that goes beyond superficial small talk. Pair the question with authentic curiosity and positive body language, and you’ll notice people warming to you quickly.
In a world where first impressions are critical, mastering this subtle but powerful technique can transform your social interactions. Whether in personal or professional settings, asking about someone’s excitement opens the door to trust, engagement, and instant likability — scientifically confirmed and universally effective.
