Have you ever noticed how some people seem to connect effortlessly with almost anyone they meet? They walk into a room full of strangers and leave with new friends, potential clients, or lasting impressions. Meanwhile, others struggle to get past awkward small talk and polite smiles. What’s the secret?
According to psychologists and communication experts, it isn’t about being the funniest, smartest, or most charismatic person in the room. In fact, one simple conversation starter consistently outperforms all others when it comes to building instant rapport:
“What’s something you’ve really enjoyed lately?”
It sounds ordinary. It doesn’t try to impress. It isn’t clever or flashy. Yet research suggests that this type of open-ended, positive, personal question activates powerful psychological mechanisms that make people feel seen, valued, and emotionally connected—almost immediately.
Let’s explore why this works so well, what science says about it, and how you can use it to transform your conversations.
Why First Impressions Matter More Than You Think
Psychologists have long studied the power of first impressions. Research shows that people form opinions about others within seconds—sometimes in less than a tenth of a second. These early judgments influence how we interpret everything that follows.
Once someone decides, even unconsciously, that they “like” you, their brain begins to look for evidence to support that feeling. This is called confirmation bias. They’ll interpret your words more generously, forgive small mistakes, and feel more comfortable around you.
That means the opening moments of a conversation carry enormous weight.
And the right question can tilt those moments in your favor.
The Psychology Behind a Powerful Question
At first glance, “What’s something you’ve really enjoyed lately?” seems simple. But it works on multiple psychological levels at once.
1. It Triggers Positive Emotions
When people recall something they’ve enjoyed, their brain activates positive emotional networks. Dopamine and serotonin levels increase slightly, improving mood.
In psychology, this is known as emotional priming. If someone feels good while talking to you, their brain subconsciously associates those good feelings with you.
You become part of the positive experience.
Over time, this creates what researchers call “affective association”—the tendency to like people who make us feel good.
2. It Shifts Focus Away From Performance
Many conversations fail because both people are silently worrying:
“Am I interesting enough?”
“Do I sound smart?”
“What should I say next?”
This creates anxiety and stiffness.
When you ask about something they’ve enjoyed, you remove that pressure. They no longer need to perform. They simply reflect on something pleasant.
This lowers psychological defenses and increases openness.
People relax around you.
And relaxed people like you more.
3. It Invites Storytelling
Humans are wired for stories. Our brains respond more strongly to narratives than to facts.
Compare these two answers:
“I watched a movie.”
Versus:
“I watched this movie with my sister last weekend, and we laughed so much that we missed half the dialogue.”
The second answer creates imagery, emotion, and connection.
Your question naturally encourages storytelling, which deepens engagement and makes the conversation feel meaningful rather than superficial.
4. It Signals Genuine Interest
One of the strongest predictors of likability is perceived interest.
In multiple studies, psychologists have found that people who ask thoughtful questions are rated as more attractive, intelligent, and likable—even if they say very little about themselves.
Why?
Because being interested makes you seem interesting.
When you ask about someone’s experiences and enjoyment, you communicate:
“I care about your life.”
“I want to understand you.”
“You matter in this interaction.”
This activates a deep human need for validation.
5. It Activates the “Self-Disclosure Loop”
Social psychologists describe a phenomenon called reciprocal self-disclosure. When one person shares something personal, the other feels encouraged to do the same.
When someone tells you about something meaningful they enjoyed, they’re sharing a piece of their emotional world.
If you respond with empathy and curiosity, trust builds quickly.
That trust forms the foundation of liking.
Why Other Conversation Starters Often Fail
To understand why this question works, it helps to see why common openers don’t.
“What do you do?”
This sounds harmless, but it triggers social comparison. People immediately evaluate their status, income, or career trajectory. Some feel insecure. Others feel judged.
The conversation becomes transactional.
“How are you?”
Most people answer automatically: “Fine. You?”
No emotion. No depth. No connection.
“Nice weather, isn’t it?”
This avoids awkwardness but creates nothing meaningful. It keeps interactions shallow.
“Where are you from?”
This can be interesting, but it can also feel interrogative, especially in multicultural settings.
In contrast, “What’s something you’ve really enjoyed lately?” bypasses status, judgment, and scripts. It goes straight to emotion and experience.
What Research Says About This Approach
Several psychological studies support the effectiveness of this type of question.
The “Fast Friends” Study
In a famous experiment by psychologist Arthur Aron, strangers were paired and asked to answer increasingly personal questions. Many pairs reported feeling close after just 45 minutes.
The most powerful questions were those that involved emotions, values, and meaningful experiences.
Your question fits perfectly into this category.
The Positivity Bias Effect
Research on interpersonal attraction shows that people are more drawn to individuals who help them recall positive memories. This is known as positivity bias.
When you invite someone to talk about something enjoyable, you activate this effect.
The Listening Advantage
Studies from Harvard Business School found that people who ask more follow-up questions are perceived as more caring and competent.
Starting with a question like this gives you endless opportunities for thoughtful follow-ups, multiplying your likability.
How to Use This Conversation Starter Effectively
The question itself is powerful—but how you use it matters just as much.
Here’s how to maximize its impact.
1. Ask It Naturally
Don’t make it sound scripted.
Instead of:
“So, what’s something you’ve really enjoyed lately?”
Try:
“By the way, what have you been enjoying lately?”
“Has anything fun or interesting happened recently?”
Keep it conversational.
2. Listen More Than You Talk
This is crucial.
The magic isn’t in asking the question. It’s in what you do after.
Maintain eye contact. Nod. Smile. React genuinely.
Avoid interrupting.
People remember how you made them feel, not how clever you sounded.
3. Use Follow-Up Questions
Build on their answer:
“What made that special?”
“How did you get into that?”
“What did you like most about it?”
These show real engagement.
4. Share, But Don’t Hijack
After they finish, you can briefly relate:
“That reminds me of when I…”
“I’ve been enjoying something similar…”
But keep it short and return focus to them.
The goal is connection, not competition.
5. Adapt to Context
This question works in almost any setting:
- At work: “What’s something you’ve enjoyed outside work lately?”
- On a date: “What’s been making you happy recently?”
- Networking: “What have you been excited about these days?”
- Family gatherings: “What’s been fun in your life lately?”
Tailor the wording to fit the situation.
Why This Makes People “Instantly” Like You
The word “instantly” isn’t exaggeration.
When you ask this question and listen well, several things happen in minutes:
- They feel happier.
- They feel understood.
- They feel valued.
- They feel safe.
- They feel connected.
Their brain links all of that to you.
From their perspective, you become:
“Someone I enjoy talking to.”
“Someone who gets me.”
“Someone I feel comfortable with.”
That’s the foundation of liking.
And it happens faster than most people realize.
The Deeper Reason This Works
At its core, this conversation starter works because it honors a fundamental human need: to be recognized as a person, not a role.
Not as a job title.
Not as a stranger.
Not as a stereotype.
But as someone with joys, passions, and experiences that matter.
When you invite someone to share what they enjoy, you’re saying:
“Your inner world matters to me.”
Very few people hear that message regularly.
So when they do, it stands out.
Final Thoughts: Small Question, Big Impact
You don’t need perfect social skills to be likable. You don’t need jokes, charm, or impressive stories.
You need curiosity.
You need presence.
You need one good question.
“What’s something you’ve really enjoyed lately?”
Ask it sincerely.
Listen deeply.
Respond thoughtfully.
